Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
