Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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