Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
