i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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