remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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