He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
