You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
