Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
