The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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