you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
