dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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