Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
