Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
