If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Operation Purity has been aborted
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
