God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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