I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
