he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
