I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am naked and annoyed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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