What did we do last night that was yellow?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
