ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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