Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
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The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
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There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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