i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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