the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
