I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
