i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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