Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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