After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize