No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
