I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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