So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There r osticjed everywhere
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
