cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
