Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
