Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
