If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
