call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
