your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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