I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
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Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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