Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
