made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
