I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
