We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
