Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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