so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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