Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
