Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
