i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
