Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
