i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
