Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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