this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
