The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
