i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
