we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
