He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
