Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
