Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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