There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
