she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
