I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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