How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
