Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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