Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
