you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
