Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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