I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The power of my boobs compel you
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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