What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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