Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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